I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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