why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
