Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
