I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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