i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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