Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize