I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
