The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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