Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
