Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
