i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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