Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Your penis caused this!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize