i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
