yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
