I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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