Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
