as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
