I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
