dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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