You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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