party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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