He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
