Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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