LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
