I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I wear drunk well.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
