she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
