cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
