It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
