VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
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I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
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Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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