dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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