sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
