I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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