Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
