I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
