i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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