i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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