ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
