Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
