ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
