Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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