She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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