bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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