I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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