does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
