Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
