Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
