i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
