it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
