she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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