We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
