I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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