I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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