I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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