No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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