Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
