Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
