I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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