Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
