My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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