Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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