2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
