South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
