she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
