I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
