He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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