All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
