God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
