I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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