What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
