You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
