My sheets look like a crime scene.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
