Moan for me like Helen Keller
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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