but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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