At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
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If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
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I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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