If that was your dad, he is hot
Do vagina's smell?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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