I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
no, he came in my armpit
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
im holly from the hills drunk
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
