how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
There r osticjed everywhere
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
