what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
