After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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