he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
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