Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
