did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
